


Woke Up New

by washoveryou (orphan_account)



Series: Rei Writes Poetry [The Headcanon Gone Semi-Reality] [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, i tried very much to make this happier than it sounds, uh it's sad but light-hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2908241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/washoveryou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei had a rough childhood, but he learned that there's always a way through, with the help of himself and eventually the swim club, of course. An overview of what Rei mended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woke Up New

**Author's Note:**

> Rei's Journal  
> July 6th  
> 3:02 am
> 
> I was never a  
> butterfly, but like in those  
> movies - I still change.

When Rei did something, he did it without fear or hesitation. When Rei made decisions, his movements weren’t calculated, and despite their spontaneity, they were perfectly logical.

(Rei prided himself on being marginally more intelligent than the majority of his school, his peers, even many of his elders.

Rei knew things, his subconscious mind was just like an encyclopedia. The only difference was that his "subliminal-encyclopedia" held information which any tangible Collier’s or Britannica’s would never have.

Like the way Nagisa’s laugh had some sort of magic to it, to the point where Rei started to feel a delicate arrhythmia--delicate only because Nagisa could never so much as wound. It was painful, sure, but not harmful.

Like what it felt like to hold Nagisa to his chest in his bed, the first time they had sex. The feeling of Nagisa taking shallow breaths against his chest, secure in Rei’s embrace. 

Or the subtle encouragements of Haruka, pats on the back and monotone “Keep up the good work”s that seemed to have a little life to them.

Or Makoto's pep-talks before meets and practices.

Or Gou’s...well, her enthusiasm--even if it wasn’t all that innocent.

Or the burn of Nagisa’s little habits and kisses and touches and sounds and words and colors and...the burn of Nagisa.]

Rei knew these things, but he didn’t understand them. He didn’t understand much of anything, really. And he thirsted for the development of such knowledge as his abundance of vague facts swelled.

Rei’s middle school friends used to tease him and say that he was a lucky idiot, whenever he could answer a question and not explain it--which was why he had good grades, but a modest reputation as “that one smart geek kid”. Everyone said he was little more than a dictionary with no definitions.

[Alternatives to this metaphor included: Knowing how the puzzle pieces fit, but not being able to see the picture; Being able to translate a novel from Japanese to English, but not being able to understand the English version; As well as a few he hadn’t heard, but which were spread like wildfire. Pretentiously making fun of defenseless children was some sort of a habit among his middle school, surprisingly. Much like smoking fake cigarettes to look cool and also keep from harm. But maybe that’s too many metaphors.]

Rei knew the words, just not their meanings. However, he knew better than to listen to them. They were the idiots; Rei was just lucky.

Even so, words can only hold a child up for so long, before necessary actions must take place.

Rei spent too much damn time hiding and hesitating and thinking things through till they were more meaningless than all of the idiotic taunts of his peers. Rei didn’t speak for months, didn’t eat for months, had his money and homework stolen by upperclassmen every day of every week until his parents started asking if he had been saving up.

Rei took back alleyways home to avoid getting beat up. He watched his parents fall in love twice over and then want to murder each other in endless cycles. He watched his hair fall out from stress and malnutrition. He worked from age twelve until he had to quit for school so he could give himself his education

Rei had his pride taken away from him; had been stripped of his clothes and his peace of mind as trust took something he thought could only belong to him until he decided it was okay to let it go.

Rei sat through endless hours in dark clouds trying to fix himself from within while others could barely scratch the surface.

So when Rei did something, he did it without fear or hesitation. When he made decisions, he didn’t think, didn’t dither. He walked into every situation empty-handed and hopeful. He pushed up his glasses in a way that made him feel powerful. He held his chin up high and made sure that he said the word “beautiful” so much it lost its meaning in the best damn way possible.

While he still had somewhat of a bitter disposition about him, that was something he was going to have to get used to.

Rei hated the word “trauma”, but it was etched into the skin beneath his clothes; and while he could hide it, he would always feel it. It would still be there when he woke up in the morning.

If it was particularly troublesome, all he had to do was smile a little brighter and hope a little more that the scars would soon fade.

Because they were fading, slowly. Not all of them at once, but some bits here and there chipped off like a sunburn.

It seemed to let him know it was going to be okay.

And, besides, he had plenty of people-shaped/scented/sized Aloe Vera to tide him over until his skin had healed.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been wanting to write for a while now I hope you liked it.


End file.
